I’ve been thinking about writing a blog for a while now but am finally actually doing it. So much has been going on and I can’t really find the words that would explain what I feel.
For a while I guess I had been feeling kind of isolated. I wanted to go home to my friends who fully understood me, to jobs where I was respected and worked with people who knew what they were doing and to be in a city where I could go where I wanted. Then an interesting thing happened; I made some new friends. It was the new cook, and at first I didn’t think I would like her. I thought she was this new person all German and she was going to be the final thing that made my favorite cook leave. It was not so. One day after work I Sarah and Rebecca went with her to her horses after work. It was ok nothing special but it made us all friends. So the week I had to work alone she told me to call her and said we would go out. I was hesitant at first, I thought oh here’s another person nothing to special or exciting, we probably will just go out for a few hours look at cloths stores and then call it a day. But it wasn’t so. Yeah we went to the city and walked around but I found she had similar taste in clothes to me and we went other places and then we went over to her friend’s house. This is where things got fun, I found out these people were like me, I found my German group of friends, and the more I went over there the more it was feeling like home. I saw the similarities and I connected with them on things my co-workers didn’t and wouldn’t understand. It was great and it made me happy, and it made me wish I had met them sooner and then I probably wouldn’t have gone home.
That’s another interesting topic; going home. It feels weird to me calling a place home, what is home? Where is home? What does it mean to call a place home? Is it really far to have multiply homes or are they just substitutes until I get home? I have often referred to Chicago as home but now I tend to hesitate before I call it home. It doesn’t really feel like home to me anymore, here has felt more like home than anywhere. But I am leaving here so do I deserve to call it home? When I think about when I made the choice to leave I think I asked the wrong questions. I asked why should I stay? And I didn’t think I had a good enough reason to stay. I thought I had nothing to stay for and I was in an unhappy place at the time. So then the next question was, why should I go back? And the only answer was it was familiar. And looking back now I think I should have ask, where have I been the happiest? And that answer is simple; I have been the happiest in Germany. It is nowhere near as stressful as living in Chicago, I am away from my family so I don’t really have to deal with the drama, and yeah I don’t get paid as much here but I have a much over all better life. Sure I miss the city and I miss my friends but I have many friends here also and I can learn to drive and then go to the city when I please. Yes it is too late to change my mind now, I am coming home I will be working and doing good things but it will always be on my mind, should I go live in Germany?