I don't know maybe part of the problem is I've never really had to deal with death before and then with in weeks of each other I loose two people that meant a lot to me, and being here in Germany I can kind of ignore the fact that it happened. I don't have to deal with the people grieving and try to find words to make them feel better. I don't know part of me feels bad that I ignore it and that I am happy here, but then again why shouldn't I be.
I've been here for 3 months now and it still doesn't feel real to me, there are times where I'll be walking around here going from one building to another and I'll just stop and look around and be like "Fuck, I am actually here, and I have a whole year here still."
The Circus Mojo people were here the past few weeks too and it was a blast, we had a lot of fun and many jokes and surprisingly I was sad to see them go. I made many new good friends with them and I can't wait to see them again!!
With them I got to perform in the new Circus House, which is a building made to look like a circus tent it is fucking amazing. I performed the first time in it on the Unicycle which for me is so fitting and I was happy for my first performance I didn't fall off and I made all the tricks (now the second time wasn't so great but the first time is what really matters).
I've been having a lot of fun here and making more friends and getting closer with the friends I have and it has all been amazing but part of me misses home still, but not really home I just miss my friends and being able to hope on a train and surprise them at work or school or whatever.
But I have fun times here with my friends here, like when we went for all you can eat ribs. Yup while the Americans were here we went for all you can eat spare ribs and who came in third place, I did, I ate three racks of ribs, while two of the German boys ate 4 racks and 2 ribs each. But I have to say I represented America well, I mean come on a girl like me out of shape and keeping up with Germans, I mean 3 racks is a lot. I have fun here and I am happy here, it is everything that I ever thought it would be but it still feels like its missing something.....