It's interesting, this time is harder to leave then it was the first time. Don't get me wrong, but I didn't really miss anyone sure there were times I thought of people and wished they were around but it never really effected me. But being home for 7 weeks has made me realized how much I have actually missed people and being in the city. But it works the other way too, I haven't really missed anyone from Germany while I have been home. I have thought about them and talked to them but haven't completely missed them. I am excited to go back but in the same way I was excited to visit Chicago. I know I have talked about how I don't know what I am going to do when my contract is up and I really thought coming back would give me the answer but it has only made it harder. I thought I would come back and if I hated being home and missed Germany a lot then that would be my answer and if I didn't miss Germany then that would be my answer but the problem is neither one of those happened so I am in the same place I am in before. I don't know what will end up happening but I know for now I will miss home and be leaving home only to go home and enjoy being home.
Tonight is my last night in Chicago probably as most of you read this I will be in route to Germany. It feels weird I no longer feel like either places is completely my home. It is interesting to think about it and it is hard in a way too. I think oh tonight is my last night in my bed, but oh boy I can't wait to get back to my bed [in Germany]! And aww man I have to say bye to Simba (my cat) but I cannot wait to see Gizmo! And man I am going to miss my friends but I can not wait to see my German friends.
It's interesting, this time is harder to leave then it was the first time. Don't get me wrong, but I didn't really miss anyone sure there were times I thought of people and wished they were around but it never really effected me. But being home for 7 weeks has made me realized how much I have actually missed people and being in the city. But it works the other way too, I haven't really missed anyone from Germany while I have been home. I have thought about them and talked to them but haven't completely missed them. I am excited to go back but in the same way I was excited to visit Chicago. I know I have talked about how I don't know what I am going to do when my contract is up and I really thought coming back would give me the answer but it has only made it harder. I thought I would come back and if I hated being home and missed Germany a lot then that would be my answer and if I didn't miss Germany then that would be my answer but the problem is neither one of those happened so I am in the same place I am in before. I don't know what will end up happening but I know for now I will miss home and be leaving home only to go home and enjoy being home.
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So I came home two weeks ago. I has been an interesting two weeks and a few things have come to my attention. What makes a place your home? To quote a great movie "Home is where you rump rest!" (ten points to anyone who can name the movie). It feels weird to me to be back it doesn't feel like home to me any more. Sure I know the streets I know to area I grew up here but it is weird to call it home. Rappenhof feels more like home to me then anywhere it feels like where I belong. But the problem still remains that I have people in both places that I don't want to leave behind. A friend of mine recently posted a meme that said, "You will never be completely home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more then one place." And that is very true for me there are friends that I have in Chicago that I hate to leave behind and there are people in Germany I can't imagine my life without.
So that leaves me with what do I do in September when my contract is up. I want to stay in Germany because I enjoy my life for the most part, I mean my job is easy and I'm around awesome people. However I wouldn't mind being back in Chicago so I can get back to working in a restaurant but there is a lot of stress with being in Chicago. I think today I feel like trying to get a job with Ringling Bros. and then going back to Germany. I don't know if that is possible but it is a conversation to be had when I get back. I do know one thing I don't think I will end up back in Chicago unless I have no other option. But I guess we will see what happens. |
JesseThis is going to be everything about my trip. From how I feel to what is going on. Archives
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