I have been missing home more recently but its ok, you guys just need to send me letters and pictures so I can hang them on my wall. But know that I have people here that will cheer me up, I just have to leave my room =)
The past week or so was a bit rough, there were somethings that happened that I could have used some of my friends here to hit me upside the head and literally push me in the right direction. I did talk to them over facebook and such but its not the same. I was getting really home sick and missing people a lot this week when I was alone in my room but every time I would leave my room I would forget about it because of the people here. They make me feel welcome and a part of this thing. I even started to realize I have gotten some German equivalents to my friends back in Chicago and such. Like Speedy reminds me a lot of Robert, we drink together and make inappropriate jokes with each other and he laughs at my burps (although Speedy with also burbs with me <3 Robert I know you sometimes do too) and Lydia reminds me a lot of Krista having crazy adventures and lots of fun together, a whole lot of laughs! Joanna reminds me of a mix of Darcy and Karen, we can have fun but also more serious kind. Its not to say that you guys are being replaced I love you all but I need people like you in my life. Of course these people are different too and are there own people they just are similar in personalities.
I have been missing home more recently but its ok, you guys just need to send me letters and pictures so I can hang them on my wall. But know that I have people here that will cheer me up, I just have to leave my room =)
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Well it has been an interesting week, I have had a lot of fun and things have been going good. I am happy here although this week I have been a bit homesick, there have been a few occurrences that make me miss my friends. For example I burped the other day sorta by accident I wasn't really thinking, I'm use to just letting it out because my friends don't care, I was with 3 other people and one of the girls was like oh my god Jesse that's not lady like! And I was like Oh I don't care and I'm used to my friends laughing. Then there have been a couple of chances for me to make an inappropriate joke or an innuendo but I didn't because they either wouldn't get it or wouldn't appreciate it.
Then this week I found my computer had a bad virus and then my hard drive got it too, and my hard drive is the hard drive from my old computer because it broke. So I was going through all this old stuff, pictures from school, and parties, and of my friends and family. Videos and music clips of band and Bass clarinet performances, and old school projects. And all of this together just got me really home sick, but even though I miss home a lot right now I don't want to GO home, I still want to stay. I love this place so much that I don't want to leave I just want everyone to come visit me and see how awesome it is. I really hope everything keeps going well. Who knows what the next 13.5 months have in store or where I'll want to be at the end of that but I know where I want to be now and I am there. So I have been here for over a month now and I love it so much. Also I want to say thank you to all the people who have been on my site, I don't know who you are but since my last blog I have had over 100 different people view my page, you guys are awesome! Just one thing though I love the comments I have gotten don't be afraid to leave more. I don't have much to blog about just a few things.
First I think it is interesting how many people we meet in life and how much we make a difference for them. I know many of you wondered what I was going to be doing when we didn't have camp and I wasn't sure my self but I can tell you during the non-camp weeks we have schools and such come and stay and we do programs with them, circus, nature, climbing and such. Its been kind of cool though because the past couple of weeks I have gotten some really cool classes. Two weeks ago I had a group of older kids who thought I was amazing (rightfully so lol jk) and we had a lot of fun. Then this past week I had a group of maybe 5th graders or so and they enjoyed having me as there teacher and thought I was a lot of fun. Some of them even wanted to take a picture with me and when they were getting ready to leave one of the kids asked if I could come with them. And its sweet knowing that I matter for a little bit in these kids life but then I think I will be forgotten soon and I will never see them again. Its hard in this line of work to be active with the kids and engage them and such and not care about them. But in a way you kind of have to because you only see them for one week in your life and maybe if your lucky you were awesome enough to convince them to come to summer camp then you maybe see them another 2 weeks. But it was the same thing we the Pentecost camp we did, I had a tent of 13 boys and only for one week and I will most likely not see them again and they were awesome kids too. Its interesting to think about the concept of it though, I mean how many of you have touched other people's lives and then have never seen them again or have been moved/touched by someone else who you haven't seen again. Secondly I have yet to be amazed by the beauty of this place and hope and wish that all of you could see it your self. Pictures don't do it justice there is something captivating about being out in the middle of no where listening to nature. I love just walking around as the sun sets down by the tents when no one is around and all I hear is the sounds of birds and bugs and in the distances a dog barking. To me there is nothing So I know I haven't posted in a while and some of you might want to know what is going on but there isn't much new things. I still love it here and it is a lot of work but I'm not mad. I feel like taking this time to talk about something else and I've thought a lot about whether I should put this on here or not but I came to the conclusion that this is why I made this site and blog so why not.
I want to talk about the chances we miss or don't take, six years ago I came here for the first time and my life changed, since I left I had always wanted to come back, at first I thought I would do it right after I graduated high school and I always wanted to. But life happened and it didn't work out like that and sometimes I wish it had because thing would have been different I think a lot of my friends from that time would have been around more and I might have had the chance to have a different relationship with someone. Its hard to talk about this and now I find its even hard to type about it, I feel like putting it out there shows how awful of a person I was and it makes things more real. Well anyway, here goes (how fitting the song Love hurts came on my mp3 player just now) six years ago while I was in Germany I met a boy who was really nice and sweet, while I was here we were friends and we got sort of close, according to Sven we had a thing but I never thought of it like that but I guess we sorta did in a way. I think my favorite memory was during the German summer camp we watched a movie in German and he sat in the back with me and translated the movie for me, it was "The Bridge to Terabithia" he was so kind and at the time I was kind of rude, I really did like him but I wanted to seem cool to the other circus kids so I didn't pay as much attention to him as I wanted to. (and know "if i could turn back time" comes on, I think my mp3 player is linked to my mind) I can't say how i really felt at the time I was young I didn't really know what love was and I'm not sure I know now, but I do know one thing I regret not doing what I wanted and worry about what others thought. Then the following year (5 years ago) he came to Chicago with the German group, I didn't get to see him much then either because I wasn't with the circus much then do to other reasons. I had him over to my house for breakfast one morning and then I was at the hostile their last night to make dinner. Still then, even though I wanted to be next to him I didn't get close but it was for a different reason, not because I wanted to be cool, but because I thought I would never see him again so what would be the point. I said a quick good bye to him and a few others and then left and on my way home that night, it was one of the few times I cried real sad tears. I had just left people I cared about and loved more than anything I had known at that time for what I thought to be the last time. There are a lot of things in life that I wish I could take back or change but none more then this, I wish that at some point I would have told him how much he meant to me or that I had at least kissed him once. I have always felt terrible for the way I handle that situation, I feel as though I was a complete asshole and he didn't deserve that. And I'm sure a lot of you may think well you can see him now and tell him, but I don't think so, 5 years is a long time and things have changed and.... well I'm not going to go in to all that but I will say we will see what happens because I do see him in a few weeks........... So Friday I drove to Berlin and then left on Tuesday. What an interesting trip it was. First thing, I have to say I am ashamed that we call the hamburger an American thing seeing as the best burger I have ever eaten was here in Germany, in some little stop off place called Mrs. Peppers (For American Food Lovers was its catch phase). OMG it was huge and all Angus beef and soooooo delicious (A picture will be put up) and I wish I could take all of you there to have one. Then Friday night we went to a show called Flip and it was really cool. Before the show we had an hour to wait and so we went to the super market to get something to drink.Well I saw they had 1 liters of VANILLA coke and it was only 1 Euro so I had to get it and I did. The guys laughed and said "You know you have to finish that in an hour" to which I replied "Would I really be an American if I couldn't drink 1 Liter of soda in an hour?!" Well I am apparently American as I finished it with time to spare but I do have to say my stomach was not pleased, so last time I do that.
Then Saturday I spent all day wondering around the city, I ended up getting a ticket to go up in the tallest building in Berlin (which is shorter than the Hancock building) and then ended up eating in the restaurant that they had up there. The restaurant was cool because it turned around the whole building (there was a sphere at the top where it was along with the viewing deck). It took me a minute to get used to it and I couldn't look at the floor with out getting motion sickness but it was a good time and good food for a decent price. Then on Sunday I met up with one of my best friends out here and we went to this festival thing and it was a lot of fun. We walked around and I was really hot because I hadn't brought any shorts with me and it was like 90 degrees so I brought this dress and then we were walking more and then they left I went over to the famous structure thingy by their parliament and took pictures and ate food and sat in a park, oh and got hit on, but it wasn't by a native. Then Monday was the big day, the whole reason I went to Berlin, it was concert day, Aerosmith concert day! For those of you who don't know Aerosmith is my favorite band and Joe Perry is one of my celebrity crushes and I dislike my mom for the number of times she has got to see them and I thought I would never catch up to her. Well HAHAHA I gained one. But anyway before I went I went on an adventure to see the part of the Berlin wall that was still standing. I don't know if people really understand what that represents, I'm not sure I do, but for me I think its interesting. This structure was built by the government to separate the people and areas and the people hated it. I loved the graffiti to, I don't know why but this one part that said "Save the Planet" really hit me. Then it was time for the concert!!! It was awesome, Aerosmith always brings it! I have to say though I DO NOT CARE the next time I see them I AM GETTING FLOOR TICKETS! The crowd in the upper balcony was SO lame, I was able to sit the whole concert because they were not standing in my way. The people on the floor by the stage were as out going as the people in the seats normally are in the US, man I don't know if it is the culture or what but these people where so reserved. But overall it was an amazing time and Steven Tyler ended with one of my most favorite lines "BERLIN!! Remember the light at the end of the tunnel may be you! Good Night!" Then the next day I went home. Overall it was a really good time, and I had a lot of fun. It was an interesting thing to realize to, on Monday morning I got a little home sick, but I realized it wasn't really Chicago home sick it was Rappenhof home sick. And I know some of you may be like, "You've only been there for two weeks how can you call that home" or whatever but I say that isn't true, I've been here for much longer, I first set step on this land 6 years ago and for those three weeks I fell in love with the place, the people, everything. And even though its not the city I feel a sense of belonging. I know what I need to do, I know what is expected of me, I know where I belong here (for the most part the language is still a little barrier but I'm working on it). Who knows what the next 14 months will bring but I can say right now I don't want to be anywhere else. |
JesseThis is going to be everything about my trip. From how I feel to what is going on. Archives
August 2016
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